Movie Theater Etiquette

I think the most important part of movie theater etiquette is the most obvious. Do not talk during the movie.   If you like to talk through movies, then you really should wait and get the movies to watch at home. This is easily done these days with a quick trip to your library, ordering it online or by streaming it. Be careful, though, to make sure that your talking through the move at home does not annoy your family or significant other.

Turn off all cell phones or electronics while in the theater.  If you are especially early, you could keep it on and then turn it off once the preshow starts. Do not talk on your cell phone or search your smart phone during any part of the show. Some people enjoy watching the preshow or the previews. Do not keep them from enjoying it. They paid good money to be there.  You can always step outside the theater door if you want to use your phone.

But if I am just searching things on my smart phone I am not making any noise. No you are not making noise but your screen lights up. That bright light is distracting to the people behind you.   Please be considerate.

If you are tall, please consider sitting further to the back or going to theaters with stadium style seating so that people can see from behind you. On the opposite side, if you are short, please consider sitting closer to the front.

Keep your children from attacking the chairs around them. This includes kicking, hitting or putting their feet on the back of the seat in front of them. It makes the chair of that person bounce which is very distracting while trying to watch a show.

Only use the empty seat next to you as a coat hanger if the theater is mostly empty. If it is popular show, your belongings should go on the back of your own seat or under your seat. The exception being if you are saving a seat for someone.

Avoid coming in after the movie has already started. It distracts people and makes it difficult for you to find a seat without a hassle.  Avoid going to the movies if you have a cough or cold. It is better for your health to stay home and get better and it is better for everyone else if you do not cough, sneeze and blow your nose through the show.

When the show is over, make sure you have all of your belongings and have picked up all of your trash.

What did I miss?  Any movie theater habits that drive you crazy?

Restaurant Etiquette

Going out to eat at a restaurant is an American past time. We do it, on average, about four times a week. Here are a few rules to keep in mind while out to eat.

Treat your server as you would an acquaintance. Be polite. Say please and thank you. Do not snap your fingers to get attention or wave your arm in the air.  Always behave cordially.

Your server may speak to you when you have your mouth full. This is not rudeness on their part. After all, it is their job to get food into as many mouths as possible. They simply do not have time to wait and see if everyone in your party has finished chewing before they speak.  Do feel free to finish chewing before you answer by holding up one finger to demonstrate one minute.  You may also cover your mouth as you speak. Do not make the staff look at your half chewed food.

Always tip if in an establishment or area where doing so is normal. If you can not afford to tip, then you should have ordered less or gone to a less expensive place or even gotten take out. Factoring in the tax and tip is part of deciding what you can afford.

Do not dock your server's tip for things that are beyond their control such as the restaurant being too cold or you not liking your meal.

Do control your children when out in a restaurant. If they are screaming, step outside with them or into the bathroom.  If they are bothering the people behind you, distract them.  If your children make a mess, do your best to clean it. If you are not going to clean up, then you should tip extra for the extra work you are causing your server.

 If going out with a group, it is a good idea to know in advance how you will handle the check. Will you get separate checks? If so, tell the server when you order so they do not have to separate the check after the fact. It is a lot easier to do it as they go then recreate it.  Will you each pay for what you order? Will you split it equally?   Discuss it in advance to avoid hard feelings or disagreements later.

If you decide to take every one's cash and put the dinner on your credit card, then you should figure out the cost of your own share plus tax and tip and add that to what ever amount of cash has been collected. You should not simply add 15% or 20% to the check total. This is especially true if it means you are making money on the deal. Many people do this and end up taking extra tip money meant for the server. Chances are you are stealing tip money from someone who needs it more than you do.

Basically when out and about, behave as you would with an acquaintance or some one you were just getting to know. Be polite and the rest will generally fall into place.  Happy eating!

American Flag Etiquette

The 4th of July is almost here. I thought this would be a good time to go over some etiquette for proper treatment of the American flag.

The flag should never touch the ground. It should be properly folded when stored.

The flag should never be thrown in the trash no matter how worn out it might be. The code states that you should dispose of the flag in an honorable way, preferably by burning.  Our local Boy Scouts will take back old flags for proper disposal. You may want to check with your local Boy Scouts or similar foundation in your area. It is permissible to mend or repair a flag.

The flag should not be left out in bad weather. If you hang out a flag, you should bring it in at night and put it back in the morning but not if it is raining or snowing.  You should only fly all weather flags if you plan to leave it out; never cloth ones.



Flags should be hung at half-mast (or half-staff) only when mourning a death. Otherwise, it should fly high and proud. It should always fly upright unless being used as a distress signal.

During the National Anthem, all persons should face the flag. You should stand at attention with your hand on your heart. If you are not any American, you should still stand at attention out of respect but do not place your hand on your heart.  

Members of the Armed Forces who are in uniform should render the military salute. If you are in civilian clothes or a veteran, you may chose whether to salute or stand with your hand on your heart.
If the flag is in motion such as a parade, you salute as it passes you.

The flag itself should never be used as decoration or advertising. Instead you should use red, white and blue stripes. You should never write on or attached any other symbols, emblems etc to the flag. It should be shown as is. 

Treat the flag with respect always. It is the symbol of our country. God Bless The USA and Happy 4th of July. 

Be Very Very Quiet . . . We Are Hunting Rabbits

I remember watching Elmer Fudd as a child. He would tiptoe around and say, "Be very very quiet. We are hunting rabbits." 

We are all older now and probably neither hunting rabbits nor watching Elmer Fudd. We should, however, be considerate of those around us when it comes to our silence or at least our volume.

I live on a relatively quiet street except I have this one couple down the road that likes to rev their motorcycles.  It goes on for quite a while at a time. I mentally picture them competing amongst themselves to see who can go loudest or longest.  I know motorcycles do not have to be loudly revved for long periods of time. They chose to do it. I imagine it makes them happy.  It does nothing for their neighbors.  You can literally hear it a mile away.

A friend of mine lives in the city. She can reach her neighbor on either side in about 5 strides. She dreads playoff seasons because noises carry.  Her neighbors start yelling even if it is at 11 at night presumably because some one scored or the local team won.  She at least has a house. Can you imagine how loud it must be if you are in an apartment?

Every place I have ever lived has had some kind of noise ordinance. Most of them say keep it down after 11 pm and before 7 am. This does not mean you get to scream at the top of your lungs at 7:30 am.  

Be considerate of your neighbors, your family, roommates etc. If everyone is, every one's lives will be the better for it.

The Top Ten Etiquette Rules You Should Know

1. Be considerate.  This is the underlying reason behind almost all etiquette rules.

2. Be on time. It is never nice to make some one wait. If you can't be on time, make sure to let them know.

3. Chew with your mouth closed. No one wants to see that.

4. If you are not sure if you should say it or do it, then you probably should not. That may very well be your brain telling you to stop and think.

5. Do not talk during the movie.  People want to hear the actors; not you.

6. Always accept a present graciously and never assume you are owed one. This is true even if it is a hideously colored sweater or a cause you do not believe in. Thank them and then quietly get rid of it later.

7. Do not interrupt someone else when they are speaking. You will get your turn. Unless it is an emergency this is true. If it is an emergency feel free to say, "Excuse me but your hair is on fire."

8. Treat everyone with respect and courtesy even if you do not like them. Etiquette works best on the people we dislike. Of course, it works great with people we like or love too.

9. Do not be rude just because some one else was. Good manners mean behaving well even if everyone else is being a brat.

10. Always RSVP.  Not answering does not automatically mean you are attending or vice versa. Let your host or hostess know for certain.

Why Can't I Put My Elbows On The Table?

Have you ever wondered where an etiquette rule came from or why we bother to have it? Etiquette customs evolve from real life issues at the time. 

The habit of clinking glasses came from a time when people used sturdy pewter mugs. When drinking with a stranger or an enemy, you would all crash your mugs hard into each other and deliberately send a spray of drink splashing all over each others mugs.  This was a precaution against being poisoned as the poison could end up being distributed back into the villain's own mug.

The reason you are not supposed to put your elbows on the table is that people often ate in large groups sitting cramped together on long wooden benches at long wooden tables. No one had enough room as it was, so putting your elbows on the table just made things even more cramped. It meant you were inconsiderate and selfish if you did.

I'm sure you know that the knife goes on the right side of the placing setting. Do you know that the blade should be facing the plate? This goes back again to where people were often crammed together with strangers. You would face the knife away from the other person in order to avoid some one getting accidentally cut. It was considered a sign of aggression if you let your blade face them. Remember this was back before the advent of such things as dull butter knives.

Fancy napkin rings where invented not to beautify a table but rather to reduce laundry. Family members would reuse the same cloth napkin at multiple meals and the napkin rings helped identify who had used that napkin prior.

I remember as a child asking my father why he always walked on the outside of the sidewalk nearest the street while keeping my mother on the inside. He told me that it went back to when he was a teenager. The male walked on the outside to protect the female from being splashed from the road. It was also a way to tell the other men that this woman was under your protection or with you. When I asked him what you did when you had two women with you, he winked at me and said, "Well then you put the one you don't want on the outside and see if some other fellow wants to come take her off your hands."

Do You Turn Into Another Person Behind The Wheel?

We live in a mobile society. We have cars, trains, motorcycles, buses. It is rare to go a day without seeing something drive by. For a lot of people, it is rare to go a day without driving something.

Driving is so much a part of our adult lives that it is often taken for granted. Yet how many times have you clenched your teeth or yelled out a swear word or yes, given some one the finger because of how they drove?

Driving etiquette is as important as any other kind of etiquette. 

The obvious: Avoid road rage.  Take several deep breathes; count to 10. Do what you need to do to calm down. What ever it takes just do not engage with other operators. I do not know of a single good thing that has come from confronting another driver.

You could try telling yourself that none of this will matter in five years. Some people find that calming. If not, try to find what does let you get past it and let it go. Maybe it is good music. For me, I shake my head at them and have an imaginary conversation where I say things like, "Pick a lane, sweetie."

Follow the rules of the road. Do not take sudden u-turns in front of people with no warning. Use your turn signal. Drive on your side of the road. Obey stop signs and yields.

The less obvious: Be considerate of those around you.  If you are on the main road with the right away but a lot of people are trying to merge in, follow the one of them, one of us rule. Let one car go ahead of you. This helps move the traffic along and demonstrates courtesy to both the drivers trying to merge and the ones stuck behind you. Yes, you have the right away but you also have the chance to be courteous.

If everyone demonstrated courtesy, we would have less traffic jams and more time out of our vehicles. It's worth a try.