Don't Overstep The Boundaries Of An Introduction

Human beings like to connect. We want to feel close to other people. We want to be seen. Sometimes in our quest to connect with someone new, we overstep.

An introduction is not the time to share your entire life story. I'm not saying that you can not share details of your personal life or your personal history. I am saying do not overstep the bounds of etiquette by thrusting your life story on someone prematurely. Start with small talk and let the conversation develop.

I will give you an example that happened to me years ago. I do not remember this conversation word for word but this is the general content of it.

I was introduced to a woman at a party. I do not remember her name. I do remember how she answered my, "How do you do?" She replied, "Not bad now that my ex-husband is not trying to strangle me on an almost daily basis."  While I certainly felt bad for her that she came from an abusive relationship, mostly I was just horrified.

I did not know how to respond. What could I possibly say after that? The entire room lapsed into an awkward horrible silence for several minutes and then we mostly just all drifted into other rooms. No one knew what they should say or how to respond in any way that would be helpful or that did not sound callous and so we said nothing.

While this young woman had every right to be upset and in a quieter venue would, I am sure, have gotten the sympathy she wanted, in this setting all she did was make a lot of people uncomfortable and ruin the host's party. 

I hope that she had someone with which to share her experience. I hope she sought professional help or family or some close friends. I am not telling this story because I harbor any ill will towards her. However, such a statement at a party and at a first introduction, is one of the worst etiquette breaches. It made people very uncomfortable, helped her not at all and ruined the efforts of the hosts to make an enjoyable evening.

When introduced to someone new, you should always start by making small talk. I know some people consider it a waste of time but it is really a chance. It is a chance to get used to each other. A chance to spend some quiet time talking or sometimes just marking time.  It is also a chance to decide if you wish to continue into a deeper conversation or perhaps even a friendship.

We all have our problems. We all need help sometimes. Do not confuse a casual introduction with a chance to have everyone focused on you and never put anyone in such an uncomfortable position.