Sunday, April 13, 2014

Unsolicited Advice

Unsolicited advice can be one of the hardest things with which to deal. Sometimes it comes from a place where they are honestly trying to help. Sometimes it is just people telling you how much better they would have handled it.  Either way, you want to respond politely.   "Thank you for the advice" is one generic response you could use. It acknowledges their contribution without agreeing to anything.

"I appreciate it but I really feel it is important that I figure this out on my own." is another possible answer. It could be delivered with a small smile or a serious look.

If the unsolicited advice is the result of you looking for sympathetic ear, feel free to tell them something like, "I know you are trying to help but what I really need right now is just someone to listen."

The key is to be polite. Do not let their contribution start an argument even if they are being rude but especially if they mean well.

Where the advice is coming from is important to how you respond. If a stranger suddenly offers unwanted advice such as how to raise your child, feel free to just say, "Okay" and completely ignore them.  You do not have to engage with them. You do not have to listen to them and you certainly do not have to let them make you feel bad about your choices, your parenting or your life.

If it is someone close to you, such as family or some one you have to work with a lot, you may need to take a stand and let them know that you appreciate the advice (even if you don't) but you have the situation under control. In these cases, the ability to mentally tune them out is a valuable gift.

Try not to respond with hostility to unsolicited advice with such comments as "Who asked you?" or "What business is it of yours?"  I know it will probably feel good at the time but this blog is about being polite even in the face of impolite people. Do not let them drag you down.

You can always listen to the advice and then ignore them and do what you want anyways.

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