Is It Still Rude If They Don't Understand You?

Have you ever been on the receiving end of an insult you were not supposed to understand?  Maybe they were speaking in a foreign language and assumed you did not speak it. Maybe they were using industry specific wording or thought you would not get that big word. Maybe they said it sort of under their breath.

Were you ever insulting to someone assuming they would not understand and been called on it?  

An insult is an insult regardless of whether you expected the other person to understand it. 

It is poor etiquette to stand there insulting someone even if you did not actually expect them to understand you.  Perhaps more so because you are assuming you are smarter or that there is no way they could be bilingual like you.

If you are caught doing it, apologize immediately. Get out of there as graciously as you can; then never do it again.

Never Ask About Kids or Marriage Plans

Anyone who is in a heterosexual relationship at some point in their lives will be asked two questions. When are you getting married and when are you having kids?

These questions are most often asked by people who have no business asking them.  Chances are if you are close enough to ask the question, you already have a good idea of the answer.

What people usually don't understand is that both of those questions are very sensitive ones. Maybe one of them wants to get married and the other does not.  Maybe one of them can not have kids. Maybe they have lost a child. People too often ask those questions meaning no harm but causing emotional pain anyways. Even if there is no emotional angst attached to the question, it is intrusive and violates their privacy. 

If you are close to the family, you could try feeling out a family member. If you are the family member, you could wait until you have them alone and ask them if they have considered having kids. If they are reluctant to speak, then drop it.

If you are a stranger or some one that does not know the couple well, never, ever ask either of those questions. If you see it happen to someone you know, feel free to step in and divert the subject. Or you can smile and say let's not rush them.

If you are the person being asked, feel free to put them off with a casual answer that tells them nothing. For instances, tell them you are enjoying being single and change the subject. It does not matter if it is not true. Etiquette allows you to tell fibs to save embarrassing people. You can say it is too soon to tell and change the subject. If it is someone you do not know well, just change the subject. Just because some one asks a question, does not mean you have to answer it.  This is true of any sensitive question.  If someone asks you about your weight or how much you make, smile (always smile) and ask, Why do you want to know?

What happened to Thank you?

I remember being a teenager and taking a job at the local grocery store. Part of my training was being told to say thank you to every customer. When I handed back their change or gave them their receipt, I was to smile and say thank you.

I don't think that is part of training in customer service anymore.  I can not remember the last time a cashier thanked me. I'm not saying that all cashiers are rude. They are varying degrees of rude or pleasant just like the rest of the world. It just feels like they don't understand that in that moment they are representing their company.

I'm no longer working at that grocery store but I am still in customer service and I still thank the customers.  I represent my company. The customer has just done my company the favor of purchasing our services.  So I say thank you even to the difficult ones. It's good training and it's good etiquette.