We live in a mobile society. We have cars, trains, motorcycles, buses. It is rare to go a day without seeing something drive by. For a lot of people, it is rare to go a day without driving something.
Driving is so much a part of our adult lives that it is often taken for granted. Yet how many times have you clenched your teeth or yelled out a swear word or yes, given some one the finger because of how they drove?
Driving etiquette is as important as any other kind of etiquette.
The obvious: Avoid road rage. Take several deep breathes; count to 10. Do what you need to do to calm down. What ever it takes just do not engage with other operators. I do not know of a single good thing that has come from confronting another driver.
You could try telling yourself that none of this will matter in five years. Some people find that calming. If not, try to find what does let you get past it and let it go. Maybe it is good music. For me, I shake my head at them and have an imaginary conversation where I say things like, "Pick a lane, sweetie."
Follow the rules of the road. Do not take sudden u-turns in front of people with no warning. Use your turn signal. Drive on your side of the road. Obey stop signs and yields.
The less obvious: Be considerate of those around you. If you are on the main road with the right away but a lot of people are trying to merge in, follow the one of them, one of us rule. Let one car go ahead of you. This helps move the traffic along and demonstrates courtesy to both the drivers trying to merge and the ones stuck behind you. Yes, you have the right away but you also have the chance to be courteous.
If everyone demonstrated courtesy, we would have less traffic jams and more time out of our vehicles. It's worth a try.
Sunday, May 25, 2014
Sunday, May 18, 2014
20 Easy Ways To Annoy Other People
1. Interrupt someone when they are speaking.
2. Be late for an engagement without calling.
3. Ignore someone.
4. Talk loudly on your phone in a public place.
5.Cut someone off in traffic.
6. Play your music loudly when your neighbors are trying to sleep.
7. Chew with your mouth open.
8. Correct other people in public.
9. Park across multiple parking spaces.
10. Throw trash in some one's yard or out of your car window.
11. Stand in some one's personal space.
12. Blow cigarette smoke into some one's face.
13. Break your promises.
14. Leave a mess.
15. Take up multiple seats on the bus or train.
16. Talk during the movie.
17. Let your children run through the store screaming.
18. Be a poor sport if you lose.
19. Use the phrase, "Don't you know who I am?".
20. Cause a scene.
2. Be late for an engagement without calling.
3. Ignore someone.
4. Talk loudly on your phone in a public place.
5.Cut someone off in traffic.
6. Play your music loudly when your neighbors are trying to sleep.
7. Chew with your mouth open.
8. Correct other people in public.
9. Park across multiple parking spaces.
10. Throw trash in some one's yard or out of your car window.
11. Stand in some one's personal space.
12. Blow cigarette smoke into some one's face.
13. Break your promises.
14. Leave a mess.
15. Take up multiple seats on the bus or train.
16. Talk during the movie.
17. Let your children run through the store screaming.
18. Be a poor sport if you lose.
19. Use the phrase, "Don't you know who I am?".
20. Cause a scene.
Sunday, May 11, 2014
Mother's Day
Today is Mother's Day. Here are a few things to keep in mind for the holiday.
If you are close enough, you should make every effort to see your mother today. That edict includes step mothers and foster mothers as well. It is not just biology that makes a parent.
If you are not close enough to see her, make sure you call to say Happy Mother's Day. For those farther away, send a card and/or a present. Hopefully, you have already sent it at this point. If not, get it out to her tomorrow but make sure you call her today.
Try not to put one mother ahead of another. Your mother should not always get first pick of plans nor should your spouse or partner's. Alternate years if you need to, so that your mother gets first preference even years and theirs, odd years.
If you have small children, do not forget the mother of your children. It is your responsibility to make sure she gets a proper Mother's Day until the children are old enough to do it themselves.
Try not to always put your mother ahead of the mother of your children as well. Try the alternating years with alternating days. Your wife gets Mother's Day one year while your mother gets taken out on Saturday instead and the next year you alternate. This may not be necessary but make sure you know how the mother of your children feels about always tagging along on your mother's day before you decide.
Really the proper etiquette for today is gratitude. Find the good in your relationship--even if you have a strained one--and try to make sure you recognize your mother on Mother's Day. If nothing else, they make greeting cards for all relationships. You may have spend a little time finding the right one but you will find it. Hopefully you have a wonderful relationship with your mother and this is all just frosting but if not, at least be cordial. As always, etiquette asks for civility if you can not be friendly.
If you are close enough, you should make every effort to see your mother today. That edict includes step mothers and foster mothers as well. It is not just biology that makes a parent.
If you are not close enough to see her, make sure you call to say Happy Mother's Day. For those farther away, send a card and/or a present. Hopefully, you have already sent it at this point. If not, get it out to her tomorrow but make sure you call her today.
Try not to put one mother ahead of another. Your mother should not always get first pick of plans nor should your spouse or partner's. Alternate years if you need to, so that your mother gets first preference even years and theirs, odd years.
If you have small children, do not forget the mother of your children. It is your responsibility to make sure she gets a proper Mother's Day until the children are old enough to do it themselves.
Try not to always put your mother ahead of the mother of your children as well. Try the alternating years with alternating days. Your wife gets Mother's Day one year while your mother gets taken out on Saturday instead and the next year you alternate. This may not be necessary but make sure you know how the mother of your children feels about always tagging along on your mother's day before you decide.
Really the proper etiquette for today is gratitude. Find the good in your relationship--even if you have a strained one--and try to make sure you recognize your mother on Mother's Day. If nothing else, they make greeting cards for all relationships. You may have spend a little time finding the right one but you will find it. Hopefully you have a wonderful relationship with your mother and this is all just frosting but if not, at least be cordial. As always, etiquette asks for civility if you can not be friendly.
Sunday, May 4, 2014
Book Borrowing Etiquette
I love to read. I regularly borrow books from the library and occasionally from friends. I sometimes lend out books as well. Unfortunately loaning out books can be a dangerous thing to do. Dangerous to the book and to the friendship. If someone borrows your book and returns it in poor condition or does not return it at all, this can damage the friendship.
So if you are a book borrower, whether it be from the library, from a friend or from a coworker, here are some things to keep in mind.
Treat the book better than if it was yours. I have on a couple of occasions hated a book so much that I threw it across the room. This was only when the book was my own property and it was not in an area to actually hit anything. I would never throw a library book or a borrowed one.
You should never write in a book that you have not yourself purchased or been given as a gift. This includes underlining things or taking notes in the margins. Do not dog ear the pages. I often get library books home and find the tips of pages tucked under. This is damaging to the book and distracting to the next reader. Try taking notes or using those little sticky note tabs or even just sticking a piece of paper in to mark the page.
Do not eat or drink around a book that is not yours. It is easy to drip even if you are careful. How many times have you looked down and realized you have dripped food on your shirt or pants? Drips happen. Keep them away from other people's books.
Do not read a borrowed book in the tub. I am a big fan of taking a paperback into the tub and soaking while I read. I would never do this with someone else's book. Water splashes and on rare occasions, books have been known to fall into people's tubs.
Do not re-lend the book. A loan to you is not a blank check to do as you please. By all means, recommend the book to someone but do not offer to loan that which is not yours.
Be careful of how you transport or carry a borrowed book. It is easy to cram it into a purse that already holds too much and not think about potential damage.
Most importantly, return the book in a timely fashion. A loan is not an indefinite thing. You should read the book promptly and return it promptly. This is the number one complaint of the book lenders that I know. I personally loaned a book to someone last summer and have yet to see it this spring. Do not be that person.
And the final etiquette rule, if you do damage a book you have borrowed, you need to purchase a replacement. You should do this immediately and without having to be asked. When you borrowed it, you accepted the responsibility for that book. If you are not willing to replace it, then think twice about borrowing it. Etiquette is not a forgiving thing and your friend may not be either if you ruin their book and expect them to pay for it.
So if you are a book borrower, whether it be from the library, from a friend or from a coworker, here are some things to keep in mind.
Treat the book better than if it was yours. I have on a couple of occasions hated a book so much that I threw it across the room. This was only when the book was my own property and it was not in an area to actually hit anything. I would never throw a library book or a borrowed one.
You should never write in a book that you have not yourself purchased or been given as a gift. This includes underlining things or taking notes in the margins. Do not dog ear the pages. I often get library books home and find the tips of pages tucked under. This is damaging to the book and distracting to the next reader. Try taking notes or using those little sticky note tabs or even just sticking a piece of paper in to mark the page.
Do not eat or drink around a book that is not yours. It is easy to drip even if you are careful. How many times have you looked down and realized you have dripped food on your shirt or pants? Drips happen. Keep them away from other people's books.
Do not read a borrowed book in the tub. I am a big fan of taking a paperback into the tub and soaking while I read. I would never do this with someone else's book. Water splashes and on rare occasions, books have been known to fall into people's tubs.
Do not re-lend the book. A loan to you is not a blank check to do as you please. By all means, recommend the book to someone but do not offer to loan that which is not yours.
Be careful of how you transport or carry a borrowed book. It is easy to cram it into a purse that already holds too much and not think about potential damage.
Most importantly, return the book in a timely fashion. A loan is not an indefinite thing. You should read the book promptly and return it promptly. This is the number one complaint of the book lenders that I know. I personally loaned a book to someone last summer and have yet to see it this spring. Do not be that person.
And the final etiquette rule, if you do damage a book you have borrowed, you need to purchase a replacement. You should do this immediately and without having to be asked. When you borrowed it, you accepted the responsibility for that book. If you are not willing to replace it, then think twice about borrowing it. Etiquette is not a forgiving thing and your friend may not be either if you ruin their book and expect them to pay for it.
Sunday, April 27, 2014
Keeping Your Word
One of the standards of the social contract is giving your word. If you say you will do something or be some where, the only polite response is to keep your word.
If something unexpected happens, you call and let them know that you are delayed or unavoidably detained.
Otherwise, if you said you will be there for dinner at 7, then you should be there for dinner at 7.
If you said you would bake those cookies or get someone at the airport, then that is what you should do.
Keep your word. Never make a promise you do not intend to keep.
If you must break your word, you should offer apologies and if possible, an alternative.
You may think that being polite means you always have to agree to things even if you have no intention of following through. That politeness leads to broken promises. That is not accurate. This is where vagueness comes in. The appropriate polite response is to give a vague answer if you can not or will not commit to specifics.
"We should get together sometime" is not the same as "Let's do dinner on Tuesday." One is a polite response that leaves you open to check your schedule or keep your distance. The other is a specific commitment.
Make sure you are not creating hard feelings by making promises you have no intention of following through on. Be polite and be a person of your word. It is possible to be both.
If something unexpected happens, you call and let them know that you are delayed or unavoidably detained.
Otherwise, if you said you will be there for dinner at 7, then you should be there for dinner at 7.
If you said you would bake those cookies or get someone at the airport, then that is what you should do.
Keep your word. Never make a promise you do not intend to keep.
If you must break your word, you should offer apologies and if possible, an alternative.
You may think that being polite means you always have to agree to things even if you have no intention of following through. That politeness leads to broken promises. That is not accurate. This is where vagueness comes in. The appropriate polite response is to give a vague answer if you can not or will not commit to specifics.
"We should get together sometime" is not the same as "Let's do dinner on Tuesday." One is a polite response that leaves you open to check your schedule or keep your distance. The other is a specific commitment.
Make sure you are not creating hard feelings by making promises you have no intention of following through on. Be polite and be a person of your word. It is possible to be both.
Sunday, April 20, 2014
The Etiquette of Colds
It's tough being down with a cold or flu. It is hard to feel like being considerate of others when you are feeling under the weather. Unfortunately, being sick does comes with extra things to worry about in terms of how you interact with other people.
If you have a cold, make sure you wash your hands regularly--with soap--for at least 20 seconds. That is about the time it takes to sing a verse of a song. This is a good habit to get into anyways but it is especially true if you are trying to keep from passing germs around.
Avoid touching things in public areas where you may deposit your germs--such as door handles--as much as possible. This is especially true of food items. Do not go squeezing the peaches and leaving them for the next person to pick up.
If you have to sneeze or cough, use a tissue or handkerchief. If you do not have one handy or do not have enough notice, use the inside of your elbow to keep germs from spraying out into the air for others to breath.
Do not throw used tissues around. Especially do not leave them for other people to have to throw them away for you. If you do not have an immediately available trash receptacle, stick it in your purse or pocket until you do.
When you do sneeze, make sure you say, "Excuse me".
If possible, when you are sick, stay home to keep from spreading germs as much as possible. This also has the side benefit that people who rest up tend to get well quicker. Do not go anywhere that requires quiet such as a movie theater, if you know you are going to be having coughing fits.
If someone else is sick, say "Bless you" when they sneeze. You do not have to do this for every sneeze but rather for every set. So if they sneeze once and you say, "Bless you" and then sneeze again right away, you do not have to repeat yourself. If they sneeze again ten minutes later, say "Bless you" again.
I know you feel miserable but try your best to help stop spreading those nasty little germs around and to make sure you do not make everyone else miserable while you are.
If you have a cold, make sure you wash your hands regularly--with soap--for at least 20 seconds. That is about the time it takes to sing a verse of a song. This is a good habit to get into anyways but it is especially true if you are trying to keep from passing germs around.
Avoid touching things in public areas where you may deposit your germs--such as door handles--as much as possible. This is especially true of food items. Do not go squeezing the peaches and leaving them for the next person to pick up.
If you have to sneeze or cough, use a tissue or handkerchief. If you do not have one handy or do not have enough notice, use the inside of your elbow to keep germs from spraying out into the air for others to breath.
Do not throw used tissues around. Especially do not leave them for other people to have to throw them away for you. If you do not have an immediately available trash receptacle, stick it in your purse or pocket until you do.
When you do sneeze, make sure you say, "Excuse me".
If possible, when you are sick, stay home to keep from spreading germs as much as possible. This also has the side benefit that people who rest up tend to get well quicker. Do not go anywhere that requires quiet such as a movie theater, if you know you are going to be having coughing fits.
If someone else is sick, say "Bless you" when they sneeze. You do not have to do this for every sneeze but rather for every set. So if they sneeze once and you say, "Bless you" and then sneeze again right away, you do not have to repeat yourself. If they sneeze again ten minutes later, say "Bless you" again.
I know you feel miserable but try your best to help stop spreading those nasty little germs around and to make sure you do not make everyone else miserable while you are.
Sunday, April 13, 2014
Unsolicited Advice
Unsolicited advice can be one of the hardest things with which to deal. Sometimes it comes from a place where they are honestly trying to help. Sometimes it is just people telling you how much better they would have handled it. Either way, you want to respond politely. "Thank you for the advice" is one generic response you could use. It acknowledges their contribution without agreeing to anything.
"I appreciate it but I really feel it is important that I figure this out on my own." is another possible answer. It could be delivered with a small smile or a serious look.
If the unsolicited advice is the result of you looking for sympathetic ear, feel free to tell them something like, "I know you are trying to help but what I really need right now is just someone to listen."
The key is to be polite. Do not let their contribution start an argument even if they are being rude but especially if they mean well.
Where the advice is coming from is important to how you respond. If a stranger suddenly offers unwanted advice such as how to raise your child, feel free to just say, "Okay" and completely ignore them. You do not have to engage with them. You do not have to listen to them and you certainly do not have to let them make you feel bad about your choices, your parenting or your life.
If it is someone close to you, such as family or some one you have to work with a lot, you may need to take a stand and let them know that you appreciate the advice (even if you don't) but you have the situation under control. In these cases, the ability to mentally tune them out is a valuable gift.
Try not to respond with hostility to unsolicited advice with such comments as "Who asked you?" or "What business is it of yours?" I know it will probably feel good at the time but this blog is about being polite even in the face of impolite people. Do not let them drag you down.
You can always listen to the advice and then ignore them and do what you want anyways.
"I appreciate it but I really feel it is important that I figure this out on my own." is another possible answer. It could be delivered with a small smile or a serious look.
If the unsolicited advice is the result of you looking for sympathetic ear, feel free to tell them something like, "I know you are trying to help but what I really need right now is just someone to listen."
The key is to be polite. Do not let their contribution start an argument even if they are being rude but especially if they mean well.
Where the advice is coming from is important to how you respond. If a stranger suddenly offers unwanted advice such as how to raise your child, feel free to just say, "Okay" and completely ignore them. You do not have to engage with them. You do not have to listen to them and you certainly do not have to let them make you feel bad about your choices, your parenting or your life.
If it is someone close to you, such as family or some one you have to work with a lot, you may need to take a stand and let them know that you appreciate the advice (even if you don't) but you have the situation under control. In these cases, the ability to mentally tune them out is a valuable gift.
Try not to respond with hostility to unsolicited advice with such comments as "Who asked you?" or "What business is it of yours?" I know it will probably feel good at the time but this blog is about being polite even in the face of impolite people. Do not let them drag you down.
You can always listen to the advice and then ignore them and do what you want anyways.
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