Re-Gifting Is An Art; Not A Crime.

If you have a perfectly good present that is simply not to your taste, then why not re-use it? You could give it to charity or you could give it to someone in your life that you think could use or want it.

There are some things you should never do. Never re-gift to the same circle. For example, your family member gives your husband a present. You can not turn around and give the present to another member of your same family. They will find out and there will most likely be hurt feelings both from the giver and the new recipient.

You never re-gift a present just to get rid of it or just to have a present for some one. You should have a reasonable expectation that the new recipient will like the gift. For example, if someone gives you a book on conservative politics, don't give it to the ultra-liberal person. Even when re-gifting, you should attempt to do so thoughtfully. A Barnes & Nobles gift card is a thoughtful gift for a book lover. A gift card to a liquor store is not a good gift for some one who does not drink.

The gift should also be new and unused. Giving away something you have already used and no longer need is a great thing to do when there is no occasion involved and it is just freely given. It is not a great thing to do as a Christmas or birthday present.

Gifts should be free of monograms or personalized notes. If someone wrote a personal message in the front of the book, you can not re-gift it.

If the re-gifting is an attempt to save money, you could look into making something or offering things instead. Do you knit beautiful blankets? Could you give them a home made IOU to babysit for an evening out? Perhaps you could make them cookies.

It is not re-gifting that is the crime. It is when people do it thoughtlessly that the trouble starts.

Don't Presume Everyone Is On Social Media

I recently saw a story of a woman who did not get an invitation to her brother's wedding. There had been no fight; no reason to think she was deliberately excluded. When she questioned it, she was told that he had posted a message on Facebook that anyone who wanted to attend should let him know. She had not seen the message.

Leaving aside the fact that you should be making a list and sending out invitations to something as important as a wedding, this man was leaving the guest list for his wedding up to both the vagrancies of the internet and chance.

Even those of us who do use Facebook, do not necessarily check it every day or see every post that worms its way through our news feed. It would be easy to miss it.

I know it probably seemed an easy way to do it to this man's mind. He left the planning of the guest list up to others. If they really wanted to go, they would be checking his Facebook feed or making a point to contact him.  This completely ignores the fact that it would be rude for people to contact him asking for an invitation to the wedding. 

You would think he would at least send invitations to immediate family and close friends regardless of whether they saw or responded to his post. He also put himself in a position of including people who probably are not that important to him.  After all, Facebook includes acquaintances as well as close friends and family and you just told everyone on your friend list that they can come.

Facebook and Twitter and the other forms of social media are wonderful tools. They let us catch glimpses into each others lives in ways we never could before. They let us quickly start the passing of important or even semi important news.  But using them as the exclusive way to handle something this important is rather like taking out a billboard on the highway and then being annoyed if not everyone drove that way.

Skip the hurt feelings and the confusion and the potential that important people may miss your important event. Go ahead and use Facebook or Twitter as a starting point but not assume it absolves you of any further work.  Take the time and do it right.

Keep Your Spell Checker To Yourself

People some times misspell words or use the wrong punctuation mark. We do not always use proper grammar. This is especially true of instant message, texting and emails. Maybe we are in a hurry and missed that typo. Maybe we do not know the right way to spell that word.

Now you get that email and you go to respond but you decide to use spell checker first. Spell checker is not concerned about good manners. Spell checker has one job; to destroy that misspelled word. Because it has no boundaries, it may very well tell you there is a misspelled word in that original email.

I have had several people ask what they should do. Do they correct that misspelled word in the original email or tell spell checker to skip it?

The answer is absolutely unequivocally no, you do not correct the spelling in the original message. You may check your own contributions to make sure they are correct but you never correct anyone else (other than your own young children) on anything other than your own name or the name of your immediate family.

To correct the spelling of an adult is to treat them like a child. It is not your place and it will not be appreciated.  This does not mean that you should misspell the word when you respond. It just means you do not draw attention to any errors.

Worry about your own spelling and grammar but do not project it to someone else. We all make mistakes and if we all start pointing them out, all it will do is cause a lot of hard feelings.  At its base, etiquette is all about helping people get along.

A Thank You Video

If you have seen my earlier posts, then you know that I am a big fan of the thank you card. I believe it is just good manners to thank someone for a gift.  The people over at Solar Roadways took this one step further.  This is one of the hundreds of thank you videos they did for people who donated to their recent crowd funding drive to get the money to test and develop solar roadways. 

The video says thank you, gives a cute example of what they plan to do with the money and yes, advances their own marketing.  I am not suggesting you put a plug for your business at the end of every thank you or even that you need to make elaborate videos. Rather I am saying that they took the time to say thank you in a way that is both cute and polite and I applaud that.

If you are interested in finding out more about Solar Roadways, here is a link to their website.

http://www.solarroadways.com/intro.shtml

Movie Theater Etiquette

I think the most important part of movie theater etiquette is the most obvious. Do not talk during the movie.   If you like to talk through movies, then you really should wait and get the movies to watch at home. This is easily done these days with a quick trip to your library, ordering it online or by streaming it. Be careful, though, to make sure that your talking through the move at home does not annoy your family or significant other.

Turn off all cell phones or electronics while in the theater.  If you are especially early, you could keep it on and then turn it off once the preshow starts. Do not talk on your cell phone or search your smart phone during any part of the show. Some people enjoy watching the preshow or the previews. Do not keep them from enjoying it. They paid good money to be there.  You can always step outside the theater door if you want to use your phone.

But if I am just searching things on my smart phone I am not making any noise. No you are not making noise but your screen lights up. That bright light is distracting to the people behind you.   Please be considerate.

If you are tall, please consider sitting further to the back or going to theaters with stadium style seating so that people can see from behind you. On the opposite side, if you are short, please consider sitting closer to the front.

Keep your children from attacking the chairs around them. This includes kicking, hitting or putting their feet on the back of the seat in front of them. It makes the chair of that person bounce which is very distracting while trying to watch a show.

Only use the empty seat next to you as a coat hanger if the theater is mostly empty. If it is popular show, your belongings should go on the back of your own seat or under your seat. The exception being if you are saving a seat for someone.

Avoid coming in after the movie has already started. It distracts people and makes it difficult for you to find a seat without a hassle.  Avoid going to the movies if you have a cough or cold. It is better for your health to stay home and get better and it is better for everyone else if you do not cough, sneeze and blow your nose through the show.

When the show is over, make sure you have all of your belongings and have picked up all of your trash.

What did I miss?  Any movie theater habits that drive you crazy?

Restaurant Etiquette

Going out to eat at a restaurant is an American past time. We do it, on average, about four times a week. Here are a few rules to keep in mind while out to eat.

Treat your server as you would an acquaintance. Be polite. Say please and thank you. Do not snap your fingers to get attention or wave your arm in the air.  Always behave cordially.

Your server may speak to you when you have your mouth full. This is not rudeness on their part. After all, it is their job to get food into as many mouths as possible. They simply do not have time to wait and see if everyone in your party has finished chewing before they speak.  Do feel free to finish chewing before you answer by holding up one finger to demonstrate one minute.  You may also cover your mouth as you speak. Do not make the staff look at your half chewed food.

Always tip if in an establishment or area where doing so is normal. If you can not afford to tip, then you should have ordered less or gone to a less expensive place or even gotten take out. Factoring in the tax and tip is part of deciding what you can afford.

Do not dock your server's tip for things that are beyond their control such as the restaurant being too cold or you not liking your meal.

Do control your children when out in a restaurant. If they are screaming, step outside with them or into the bathroom.  If they are bothering the people behind you, distract them.  If your children make a mess, do your best to clean it. If you are not going to clean up, then you should tip extra for the extra work you are causing your server.

 If going out with a group, it is a good idea to know in advance how you will handle the check. Will you get separate checks? If so, tell the server when you order so they do not have to separate the check after the fact. It is a lot easier to do it as they go then recreate it.  Will you each pay for what you order? Will you split it equally?   Discuss it in advance to avoid hard feelings or disagreements later.

If you decide to take every one's cash and put the dinner on your credit card, then you should figure out the cost of your own share plus tax and tip and add that to what ever amount of cash has been collected. You should not simply add 15% or 20% to the check total. This is especially true if it means you are making money on the deal. Many people do this and end up taking extra tip money meant for the server. Chances are you are stealing tip money from someone who needs it more than you do.

Basically when out and about, behave as you would with an acquaintance or some one you were just getting to know. Be polite and the rest will generally fall into place.  Happy eating!

American Flag Etiquette

The 4th of July is almost here. I thought this would be a good time to go over some etiquette for proper treatment of the American flag.

The flag should never touch the ground. It should be properly folded when stored.

The flag should never be thrown in the trash no matter how worn out it might be. The code states that you should dispose of the flag in an honorable way, preferably by burning.  Our local Boy Scouts will take back old flags for proper disposal. You may want to check with your local Boy Scouts or similar foundation in your area. It is permissible to mend or repair a flag.

The flag should not be left out in bad weather. If you hang out a flag, you should bring it in at night and put it back in the morning but not if it is raining or snowing.  You should only fly all weather flags if you plan to leave it out; never cloth ones.



Flags should be hung at half-mast (or half-staff) only when mourning a death. Otherwise, it should fly high and proud. It should always fly upright unless being used as a distress signal.

During the National Anthem, all persons should face the flag. You should stand at attention with your hand on your heart. If you are not any American, you should still stand at attention out of respect but do not place your hand on your heart.  

Members of the Armed Forces who are in uniform should render the military salute. If you are in civilian clothes or a veteran, you may chose whether to salute or stand with your hand on your heart.
If the flag is in motion such as a parade, you salute as it passes you.

The flag itself should never be used as decoration or advertising. Instead you should use red, white and blue stripes. You should never write on or attached any other symbols, emblems etc to the flag. It should be shown as is. 

Treat the flag with respect always. It is the symbol of our country. God Bless The USA and Happy 4th of July.