I remember watching Elmer Fudd as a child. He would tiptoe around and say, "Be very very quiet. We are hunting rabbits."
We are all older now and probably neither hunting rabbits nor watching Elmer Fudd. We should, however, be considerate of those around us when it comes to our silence or at least our volume.
I live on a relatively quiet street except I have this one couple down the road that likes to rev their motorcycles. It goes on for quite a while at a time. I mentally picture them competing amongst themselves to see who can go loudest or longest. I know motorcycles do not have to be loudly revved for long periods of time. They chose to do it. I imagine it makes them happy. It does nothing for their neighbors. You can literally hear it a mile away.
A friend of mine lives in the city. She can reach her neighbor on either side in about 5 strides. She dreads playoff seasons because noises carry. Her neighbors start yelling even if it is at 11 at night presumably because some one scored or the local team won. She at least has a house. Can you imagine how loud it must be if you are in an apartment?
Every place I have ever lived has had some kind of noise ordinance. Most of them say keep it down after 11 pm and before 7 am. This does not mean you get to scream at the top of your lungs at 7:30 am.
Be considerate of your neighbors, your family, roommates etc. If everyone is, every one's lives will be the better for it.
Monday, June 23, 2014
Sunday, June 8, 2014
The Top Ten Etiquette Rules You Should Know
1. Be considerate. This is the underlying reason behind almost all etiquette rules.
2. Be on time. It is never nice to make some one wait. If you can't be on time, make sure to let them know.
3. Chew with your mouth closed. No one wants to see that.
4. If you are not sure if you should say it or do it, then you probably should not. That may very well be your brain telling you to stop and think.
5. Do not talk during the movie. People want to hear the actors; not you.
6. Always accept a present graciously and never assume you are owed one. This is true even if it is a hideously colored sweater or a cause you do not believe in. Thank them and then quietly get rid of it later.
7. Do not interrupt someone else when they are speaking. You will get your turn. Unless it is an emergency this is true. If it is an emergency feel free to say, "Excuse me but your hair is on fire."
8. Treat everyone with respect and courtesy even if you do not like them. Etiquette works best on the people we dislike. Of course, it works great with people we like or love too.
9. Do not be rude just because some one else was. Good manners mean behaving well even if everyone else is being a brat.
10. Always RSVP. Not answering does not automatically mean you are attending or vice versa. Let your host or hostess know for certain.
2. Be on time. It is never nice to make some one wait. If you can't be on time, make sure to let them know.
3. Chew with your mouth closed. No one wants to see that.
4. If you are not sure if you should say it or do it, then you probably should not. That may very well be your brain telling you to stop and think.
5. Do not talk during the movie. People want to hear the actors; not you.
6. Always accept a present graciously and never assume you are owed one. This is true even if it is a hideously colored sweater or a cause you do not believe in. Thank them and then quietly get rid of it later.
7. Do not interrupt someone else when they are speaking. You will get your turn. Unless it is an emergency this is true. If it is an emergency feel free to say, "Excuse me but your hair is on fire."
8. Treat everyone with respect and courtesy even if you do not like them. Etiquette works best on the people we dislike. Of course, it works great with people we like or love too.
9. Do not be rude just because some one else was. Good manners mean behaving well even if everyone else is being a brat.
10. Always RSVP. Not answering does not automatically mean you are attending or vice versa. Let your host or hostess know for certain.
Sunday, June 1, 2014
Why Can't I Put My Elbows On The Table?
Have you ever wondered where an etiquette rule came from or why we bother to have it? Etiquette customs evolve from real life issues at the time.
The habit of clinking glasses came from a time when people used sturdy pewter mugs. When drinking with a stranger or an enemy, you would all crash your mugs hard into each other and deliberately send a spray of drink splashing all over each others mugs. This was a precaution against being poisoned as the poison could end up being distributed back into the villain's own mug.
The reason you are not supposed to put your elbows on the table is that people often ate in large groups sitting cramped together on long wooden benches at long wooden tables. No one had enough room as it was, so putting your elbows on the table just made things even more cramped. It meant you were inconsiderate and selfish if you did.
I'm sure you know that the knife goes on the right side of the placing setting. Do you know that the blade should be facing the plate? This goes back again to where people were often crammed together with strangers. You would face the knife away from the other person in order to avoid some one getting accidentally cut. It was considered a sign of aggression if you let your blade face them. Remember this was back before the advent of such things as dull butter knives.
Fancy napkin rings where invented not to beautify a table but rather to reduce laundry. Family members would reuse the same cloth napkin at multiple meals and the napkin rings helped identify who had used that napkin prior.
I remember as a child asking my father why he always walked on the outside of the sidewalk nearest the street while keeping my mother on the inside. He told me that it went back to when he was a teenager. The male walked on the outside to protect the female from being splashed from the road. It was also a way to tell the other men that this woman was under your protection or with you. When I asked him what you did when you had two women with you, he winked at me and said, "Well then you put the one you don't want on the outside and see if some other fellow wants to come take her off your hands."
The habit of clinking glasses came from a time when people used sturdy pewter mugs. When drinking with a stranger or an enemy, you would all crash your mugs hard into each other and deliberately send a spray of drink splashing all over each others mugs. This was a precaution against being poisoned as the poison could end up being distributed back into the villain's own mug.
The reason you are not supposed to put your elbows on the table is that people often ate in large groups sitting cramped together on long wooden benches at long wooden tables. No one had enough room as it was, so putting your elbows on the table just made things even more cramped. It meant you were inconsiderate and selfish if you did.
I'm sure you know that the knife goes on the right side of the placing setting. Do you know that the blade should be facing the plate? This goes back again to where people were often crammed together with strangers. You would face the knife away from the other person in order to avoid some one getting accidentally cut. It was considered a sign of aggression if you let your blade face them. Remember this was back before the advent of such things as dull butter knives.
Fancy napkin rings where invented not to beautify a table but rather to reduce laundry. Family members would reuse the same cloth napkin at multiple meals and the napkin rings helped identify who had used that napkin prior.
I remember as a child asking my father why he always walked on the outside of the sidewalk nearest the street while keeping my mother on the inside. He told me that it went back to when he was a teenager. The male walked on the outside to protect the female from being splashed from the road. It was also a way to tell the other men that this woman was under your protection or with you. When I asked him what you did when you had two women with you, he winked at me and said, "Well then you put the one you don't want on the outside and see if some other fellow wants to come take her off your hands."
Sunday, May 25, 2014
Do You Turn Into Another Person Behind The Wheel?
We live in a mobile society. We have cars, trains, motorcycles, buses. It is rare to go a day without seeing something drive by. For a lot of people, it is rare to go a day without driving something.
Driving is so much a part of our adult lives that it is often taken for granted. Yet how many times have you clenched your teeth or yelled out a swear word or yes, given some one the finger because of how they drove?
Driving etiquette is as important as any other kind of etiquette.
The obvious: Avoid road rage. Take several deep breathes; count to 10. Do what you need to do to calm down. What ever it takes just do not engage with other operators. I do not know of a single good thing that has come from confronting another driver.
You could try telling yourself that none of this will matter in five years. Some people find that calming. If not, try to find what does let you get past it and let it go. Maybe it is good music. For me, I shake my head at them and have an imaginary conversation where I say things like, "Pick a lane, sweetie."
Follow the rules of the road. Do not take sudden u-turns in front of people with no warning. Use your turn signal. Drive on your side of the road. Obey stop signs and yields.
The less obvious: Be considerate of those around you. If you are on the main road with the right away but a lot of people are trying to merge in, follow the one of them, one of us rule. Let one car go ahead of you. This helps move the traffic along and demonstrates courtesy to both the drivers trying to merge and the ones stuck behind you. Yes, you have the right away but you also have the chance to be courteous.
If everyone demonstrated courtesy, we would have less traffic jams and more time out of our vehicles. It's worth a try.
Driving is so much a part of our adult lives that it is often taken for granted. Yet how many times have you clenched your teeth or yelled out a swear word or yes, given some one the finger because of how they drove?
Driving etiquette is as important as any other kind of etiquette.
The obvious: Avoid road rage. Take several deep breathes; count to 10. Do what you need to do to calm down. What ever it takes just do not engage with other operators. I do not know of a single good thing that has come from confronting another driver.
You could try telling yourself that none of this will matter in five years. Some people find that calming. If not, try to find what does let you get past it and let it go. Maybe it is good music. For me, I shake my head at them and have an imaginary conversation where I say things like, "Pick a lane, sweetie."
Follow the rules of the road. Do not take sudden u-turns in front of people with no warning. Use your turn signal. Drive on your side of the road. Obey stop signs and yields.
The less obvious: Be considerate of those around you. If you are on the main road with the right away but a lot of people are trying to merge in, follow the one of them, one of us rule. Let one car go ahead of you. This helps move the traffic along and demonstrates courtesy to both the drivers trying to merge and the ones stuck behind you. Yes, you have the right away but you also have the chance to be courteous.
If everyone demonstrated courtesy, we would have less traffic jams and more time out of our vehicles. It's worth a try.
Sunday, May 18, 2014
20 Easy Ways To Annoy Other People
1. Interrupt someone when they are speaking.
2. Be late for an engagement without calling.
3. Ignore someone.
4. Talk loudly on your phone in a public place.
5.Cut someone off in traffic.
6. Play your music loudly when your neighbors are trying to sleep.
7. Chew with your mouth open.
8. Correct other people in public.
9. Park across multiple parking spaces.
10. Throw trash in some one's yard or out of your car window.
11. Stand in some one's personal space.
12. Blow cigarette smoke into some one's face.
13. Break your promises.
14. Leave a mess.
15. Take up multiple seats on the bus or train.
16. Talk during the movie.
17. Let your children run through the store screaming.
18. Be a poor sport if you lose.
19. Use the phrase, "Don't you know who I am?".
20. Cause a scene.
2. Be late for an engagement without calling.
3. Ignore someone.
4. Talk loudly on your phone in a public place.
5.Cut someone off in traffic.
6. Play your music loudly when your neighbors are trying to sleep.
7. Chew with your mouth open.
8. Correct other people in public.
9. Park across multiple parking spaces.
10. Throw trash in some one's yard or out of your car window.
11. Stand in some one's personal space.
12. Blow cigarette smoke into some one's face.
13. Break your promises.
14. Leave a mess.
15. Take up multiple seats on the bus or train.
16. Talk during the movie.
17. Let your children run through the store screaming.
18. Be a poor sport if you lose.
19. Use the phrase, "Don't you know who I am?".
20. Cause a scene.
Sunday, May 11, 2014
Mother's Day
Today is Mother's Day. Here are a few things to keep in mind for the holiday.
If you are close enough, you should make every effort to see your mother today. That edict includes step mothers and foster mothers as well. It is not just biology that makes a parent.
If you are not close enough to see her, make sure you call to say Happy Mother's Day. For those farther away, send a card and/or a present. Hopefully, you have already sent it at this point. If not, get it out to her tomorrow but make sure you call her today.
Try not to put one mother ahead of another. Your mother should not always get first pick of plans nor should your spouse or partner's. Alternate years if you need to, so that your mother gets first preference even years and theirs, odd years.
If you have small children, do not forget the mother of your children. It is your responsibility to make sure she gets a proper Mother's Day until the children are old enough to do it themselves.
Try not to always put your mother ahead of the mother of your children as well. Try the alternating years with alternating days. Your wife gets Mother's Day one year while your mother gets taken out on Saturday instead and the next year you alternate. This may not be necessary but make sure you know how the mother of your children feels about always tagging along on your mother's day before you decide.
Really the proper etiquette for today is gratitude. Find the good in your relationship--even if you have a strained one--and try to make sure you recognize your mother on Mother's Day. If nothing else, they make greeting cards for all relationships. You may have spend a little time finding the right one but you will find it. Hopefully you have a wonderful relationship with your mother and this is all just frosting but if not, at least be cordial. As always, etiquette asks for civility if you can not be friendly.
If you are close enough, you should make every effort to see your mother today. That edict includes step mothers and foster mothers as well. It is not just biology that makes a parent.
If you are not close enough to see her, make sure you call to say Happy Mother's Day. For those farther away, send a card and/or a present. Hopefully, you have already sent it at this point. If not, get it out to her tomorrow but make sure you call her today.
Try not to put one mother ahead of another. Your mother should not always get first pick of plans nor should your spouse or partner's. Alternate years if you need to, so that your mother gets first preference even years and theirs, odd years.
If you have small children, do not forget the mother of your children. It is your responsibility to make sure she gets a proper Mother's Day until the children are old enough to do it themselves.
Try not to always put your mother ahead of the mother of your children as well. Try the alternating years with alternating days. Your wife gets Mother's Day one year while your mother gets taken out on Saturday instead and the next year you alternate. This may not be necessary but make sure you know how the mother of your children feels about always tagging along on your mother's day before you decide.
Really the proper etiquette for today is gratitude. Find the good in your relationship--even if you have a strained one--and try to make sure you recognize your mother on Mother's Day. If nothing else, they make greeting cards for all relationships. You may have spend a little time finding the right one but you will find it. Hopefully you have a wonderful relationship with your mother and this is all just frosting but if not, at least be cordial. As always, etiquette asks for civility if you can not be friendly.
Sunday, May 4, 2014
Book Borrowing Etiquette
I love to read. I regularly borrow books from the library and occasionally from friends. I sometimes lend out books as well. Unfortunately loaning out books can be a dangerous thing to do. Dangerous to the book and to the friendship. If someone borrows your book and returns it in poor condition or does not return it at all, this can damage the friendship.
So if you are a book borrower, whether it be from the library, from a friend or from a coworker, here are some things to keep in mind.
Treat the book better than if it was yours. I have on a couple of occasions hated a book so much that I threw it across the room. This was only when the book was my own property and it was not in an area to actually hit anything. I would never throw a library book or a borrowed one.
You should never write in a book that you have not yourself purchased or been given as a gift. This includes underlining things or taking notes in the margins. Do not dog ear the pages. I often get library books home and find the tips of pages tucked under. This is damaging to the book and distracting to the next reader. Try taking notes or using those little sticky note tabs or even just sticking a piece of paper in to mark the page.
Do not eat or drink around a book that is not yours. It is easy to drip even if you are careful. How many times have you looked down and realized you have dripped food on your shirt or pants? Drips happen. Keep them away from other people's books.
Do not read a borrowed book in the tub. I am a big fan of taking a paperback into the tub and soaking while I read. I would never do this with someone else's book. Water splashes and on rare occasions, books have been known to fall into people's tubs.
Do not re-lend the book. A loan to you is not a blank check to do as you please. By all means, recommend the book to someone but do not offer to loan that which is not yours.
Be careful of how you transport or carry a borrowed book. It is easy to cram it into a purse that already holds too much and not think about potential damage.
Most importantly, return the book in a timely fashion. A loan is not an indefinite thing. You should read the book promptly and return it promptly. This is the number one complaint of the book lenders that I know. I personally loaned a book to someone last summer and have yet to see it this spring. Do not be that person.
And the final etiquette rule, if you do damage a book you have borrowed, you need to purchase a replacement. You should do this immediately and without having to be asked. When you borrowed it, you accepted the responsibility for that book. If you are not willing to replace it, then think twice about borrowing it. Etiquette is not a forgiving thing and your friend may not be either if you ruin their book and expect them to pay for it.
So if you are a book borrower, whether it be from the library, from a friend or from a coworker, here are some things to keep in mind.
Treat the book better than if it was yours. I have on a couple of occasions hated a book so much that I threw it across the room. This was only when the book was my own property and it was not in an area to actually hit anything. I would never throw a library book or a borrowed one.
You should never write in a book that you have not yourself purchased or been given as a gift. This includes underlining things or taking notes in the margins. Do not dog ear the pages. I often get library books home and find the tips of pages tucked under. This is damaging to the book and distracting to the next reader. Try taking notes or using those little sticky note tabs or even just sticking a piece of paper in to mark the page.
Do not eat or drink around a book that is not yours. It is easy to drip even if you are careful. How many times have you looked down and realized you have dripped food on your shirt or pants? Drips happen. Keep them away from other people's books.
Do not read a borrowed book in the tub. I am a big fan of taking a paperback into the tub and soaking while I read. I would never do this with someone else's book. Water splashes and on rare occasions, books have been known to fall into people's tubs.
Do not re-lend the book. A loan to you is not a blank check to do as you please. By all means, recommend the book to someone but do not offer to loan that which is not yours.
Be careful of how you transport or carry a borrowed book. It is easy to cram it into a purse that already holds too much and not think about potential damage.
Most importantly, return the book in a timely fashion. A loan is not an indefinite thing. You should read the book promptly and return it promptly. This is the number one complaint of the book lenders that I know. I personally loaned a book to someone last summer and have yet to see it this spring. Do not be that person.
And the final etiquette rule, if you do damage a book you have borrowed, you need to purchase a replacement. You should do this immediately and without having to be asked. When you borrowed it, you accepted the responsibility for that book. If you are not willing to replace it, then think twice about borrowing it. Etiquette is not a forgiving thing and your friend may not be either if you ruin their book and expect them to pay for it.
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