Many years ago when I started my first office job, I had a coworker that took an instant dislike to me. There was no conflict; no misunderstanding. From the second she laid eyes on me, she disliked me. It was my first non-retail job and I was in a situation where I was spending 8 1/2 hours a day, five days a week with a woman who had trouble being civil to me.
It is very hard to avoid someone when you work all day in a small defined area. Our jobs, while different, also overlapped and I would have to bring her things several times a day; each time knowing she was going to snap at me or ignore me or just generally behave rudely.
After about 7 or 8 months of this, on a day when she was being particularly rude to me, I snapped. I said to her in a very loud voice while throwing my hands up in the air, "What is your problem with me? Did your husband leave you for a younger woman or something?" She turned bright red and took off for the break room.
The next day I was called into the manager's office and told I should apologize for airing this woman's personal business in the office. It turns out that yes, her husband had left her for a younger woman and that woman supposedly looked a lot like me. I had not even know she was ever married.
I was asked to apologize and while I was in the wrong for my outburst, I refused on the grounds that she owed me a much bigger apology. (I'm sure many will say I should have just apologized to be polite but I believe there is a difference between being polite and being a doormat.) We ended up shaking hands and forming a truce. We were never friends but we were civil to each other from then on.
There are two things I take away from this experience. One, you have no business blaming someone for the actions of someone else. This is true here where I was being mistreated for reminding her of someone else. It is also true in personal relationships. You don't mistreat your current boyfriend because the last one mistreated you. You don't take away one child's driving privileges because the other one had a car wreck. Think twice about what you say or do before punishing someone for something that had nothing to do with them.
Two, I should have addressed the issue with her before it reached that point. Yes, she was the one in the wrong but perhaps if I had gone to her early on and asked her calmly what was going on, we could have avoided a lot of conflict. I could have sat her down and asked calmly if there was an issue. Perhaps she could have become aware of her poor behavior before she got embarrassed in front of the office. We will never know for sure but maybe I could have avoided months of mistreated to me and some embarrassment to her if I had tried.
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