Don't Blame This One For The Last One

Many years ago when I started my first office job, I had a coworker that took an instant dislike to me.  There was no conflict; no misunderstanding.  From the second she laid eyes on me, she disliked me. It was my first non-retail job and I was in a situation where I was spending 8 1/2 hours a day, five days a week with a woman who had trouble being civil to me.

It is very hard to avoid someone when you work all day in a small defined area. Our jobs, while different, also overlapped and I would have to bring her things several times a day; each time knowing she was going to snap at me or ignore me or just generally behave rudely.

After about 7 or 8 months of this, on a day when she was being particularly rude to me, I snapped.  I said to her in a very loud voice while throwing my hands up in the air, "What is your problem with me? Did your husband leave you for a younger woman or something?"  She turned bright red and took off for the break room.

The next day I was called into the manager's office and told I should apologize for airing this woman's personal business in the office.  It turns out that yes, her husband had left her for a younger woman and that woman supposedly looked a lot like me. I had not even know she was ever married.

I was asked to apologize and while I was in the wrong for my outburst, I refused on the grounds that she owed me a much bigger apology.  (I'm sure many will say I should have just apologized to be polite but I believe there is a difference between being polite and being a doormat.) We ended up shaking hands and forming a truce. We were never friends but we were civil to each other from then on.

There are two things I take away from this experience. One, you have no business blaming someone for the actions of someone else. This is true here where I was being mistreated for reminding her of someone else. It is also true in personal relationships.  You don't mistreat your current boyfriend because the last one mistreated you. You don't take away one child's driving privileges because the other one had a car wreck. Think twice about what you say or do before punishing someone for something that had nothing to do with them.

Two, I should have addressed the issue with her before it reached that point. Yes, she was the one in the wrong but perhaps if I had gone to her early on and asked her calmly what was going on, we could have avoided a lot of conflict. I could have sat her down and asked calmly if there was an issue. Perhaps she could have become aware of her poor behavior before she got embarrassed in front of the office. We will never know for sure but maybe I could have avoided months of mistreated to me and some embarrassment to her if I had tried.

Subcontracting Your Thank Yous

I was looking at a site that specializes in matching people up with the idea of hiring someone to do small jobs for you.  This is not your hire someone to mow your lawn kind of small jobs. No, this site specializes in the more unusual. You can get people to write a love poem or research honeymoon destinations.  A variety of things from random people such as someone to send you a birthday card or translate a sentence into another language.

I was horrified (but not surprised really) to see that one of the jobs offered was to write your wedding thank you cards for you.  You give this person $5 per 10 cards and a list of wedding presents and addresses, and they send out handwritten cards.

Please do not do this.

First, it is incredibly bad manners to subcontract out your gratitude. People went to the time and trouble to purchase and send or deliver you a present. It is not too much to ask for you to take 3 to 4 minutes and write them a thank you note. (You can see my earlier post on how to craft a thank you card if you are nervous about writing one. http://etiquetteasilearnedit.blogspot.com/2013/12/time-for-thank-you-cards.html)

Second, you are giving someone you have never met a list of all the shiny new things that live in your house. Maybe they are perfectly trustworthy. Maybe they will have their friend in your driveway with a moving van while you are on your honeymoon.

Third, you just gave this same stranger the names and addresses of your friends and relatives. Maybe they will decide that since Aunt Mabel gave you that $500 vacuum, she obviously has some extra money.  They can be at her house right after they finish at yours.  They could also just sell your family's information.

Save yourself the potential headaches--and the $5--and take the time to properly thank your friends and family for the thoughtfulness.  It won't be as bad as you think.

Waiting

I do not like to wait. It is probably a personal flaw but it is the truth. I hate sitting around waiting for an answer.   I do not mind if I have an idea why or when such as "We will call you back by Wednesday." or "I will get back to you by 2."   What I hate is the generic, "I'll get back to you."   Then you wait around for the phone to ring; afraid to do things that might take you from the phone.

Right now we are waiting on the plumber. We had terrible sub zero freezing for two nights in a row.  The pipe in my shower froze and sadly, burst.  So now I am sitting around for 2 days with the water turn off so that it does not flood down through my kitchen ceiling.  We are on the waiting list for the plumber.   This is not their fault and I am sure they are working fairly non stop trying to get to people just like me.

I just wish they would call and update us.  Are we near the top of the queue?  Are there still 10 people ahead of us?   For a business this is a tough decision.  If they call and tell me that 10 people are ahead of me, I might call another plumber.  If they don't keep me updated, I could be next in line but not know it. I might just start calling plumbers to see if I can find one to come out quicker.

So they are in a situation where good customer service means calling and keeping me updated--I'd say about once a day--and good business sense means not giving me a chance to get upset about my place in line and leaving.  Plus they are probably very busy and don't necessarily want to take the time to call everyone with updates. 

I guess I am saying I understand why they have not called and am stilling shaking my head that they haven't.  But then, maybe not having a shower for two days has just made me grumpy.

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