Time For Thank You Cards

Christmas time has come and gone again. For many of us, that means presents. Presents often mean a need for thank you cards.

If you did not open the present in front of the giver, you need to send them a thank you card. Even if you did open it in front of them--and said thank  you--you may want to send a thank you card or email anyways. Thank you cards are seldom a bad choice so when in doubt, go ahead and send one.

Some simple rules for thank you cards:

Whenever you open a present outside the presence of the giver, send a thank you card.

Send the thank you card within two weeks for most occasions. If it is for a wedding or baby shower, you can stretch that out to a month or two as people understand that you probably have a lot of them to do. However, anything else, do it as quickly as possible.  For one thing, this eliminates the wait for the giver. For another, it makes it much less likely that you will forget to do it.

Always put something good about the gift or giver at the beginning of the thank you card.  For example, "It was wonderful of you to take the time to send a present." or "I love the colors of the blanket you sent."

Always finish with the words, "Thank you"

If the gift was given to a small child, feel free to include them in the process. They can draw a picture or write a little message. Chances are whoever cared enough to send them a present would love to get a personal message from them.  It also helps to teach your children so that some day, they too will know to send a thank you card.

Being Gracious And Grateful For Your Christmas Gifts

Christmas is only a few days away. If you are like most Americans, you are about to be given presents. Possibly a lot of presents.   Chances are that not every one of these presents is going to be exactly to your liking. Maybe it is the wrong color or a style you would never wear. Perhaps you already got that same book or have seen that movie.   This is exactly Not the time to say so.

Getting presents is a privilege. It says that people care about you; that they want to get you something.  Someone took the time and trouble to go shopping or looking online for something for you. Even if they miss the mark, always accept graciously and with a thank you.  If you do not open it in front of the giver, send a Thank you card. (If you are the giver, you may want to consider including a gift receipt so the person has the option of returning it.)

Always thank someone for the thought. Never tell them the gift is wrong or not your style. Never complain to them about the gift. Never hand it back and ask them to return it. It comes down to treating people with respect. They tried and that alone is worth a thank you and a smile; maybe even a hug. Throwing a gift back in someone's face is bad manners and worse, it is hurtful.

Remember that this is the season of giving. If someone does give you a gift, try to remember the reason for the season and smile.  

Merry Christmas!

Are You Tardy Or Just Inconsiderate?

Every one runs late sometimes. There is a backup on the highway or you couldn't find your keys.  It is not a big deal. Call and let some one know you are going to be late. Apologize and move on.

Sometimes being the key word. Everyone is late sometimes.

If you are always late, then you aren't tardy. You are inconsiderate.   Harsh sounding I know but hear me out.  I am not talking about ten minutes. I am talking about regularly being substantially late. 

If you are late every where you go, it says something to people.  It says you think your time is more important than theirs.  It says that you did not want to be there.   It says I was sitting on my couch and could not bother to get up and get ready because I just don't care enough.  It says the fact that I am wasting your time never even occurred to me. Your time is just not as important as mine; not as important as whatever I was doing instead of getting ready.

People do not like to sit around and wait for someone else to show up. Personally I hate being late. I always envision people sitting around checking their watches wondering if they got the time wrong. Worrying if I was in an accident. I feel stupid standing or sitting around (especially in public) and waiting for someone to show. I never want to put some one else through that.  Even if you are home, you can't start any projects or do anything that would mess up the house because you are waiting on people.

I think we all know someone who is habitually late everywhere they go. I don't think any of us think, They must have a busy life.  I think we mostly just think Where are they? and When are they going to get here?

So in case you were wondering, yes, people notice when you are habitually tardy and no, they do not appreciate it. It makes people think less of you and it makes people feel as though they are less to you.  Don't be that person.  If you make plans, then honor them. Honor the people in your life and be respectful of their time and their feelings.  Go be where you are supposed to be.

Being Polite Is Not Giving In

There is an old question. Would you rather be right or be happy?  For some people, there is no difference. To them, accuracy or in some cases superiority, is more important. In many cases, proper etiquette means rising above these things.

This does not mean being a pushover.  Rules of etiquette often give you a chillingly polite way to respond. (If you do not believe me, check out Miss Manners columns sometime.) What they do not do, is let you be rude back. For instance, if someone is rude to you on the phone, you do not yell back at them. Etiquette means being polite even when others are not.

Good manners mean saying please even to family or friends that you have known for years. It does not mean if another adult fails to say please, that you get to correct them in public. It is something that should either be brought up in private or ignored. This is not being a pushover. Ultimately, the role of etiquette is to make life smoother all around. It exists to keep conflicts from exploding into full out wars.

If someone tries to start a disagreement, maintain a polite and low voiced response. Do not let it escalate into an argument, especially whenever you are in a group such as a holiday meal. This does not make you a coward, it makes you the wiser, better person in that moment.

If someone is in a bad mood, you can excuse yourself from the situation. You do not have to react back in anger. I know this can be difficult at times; I am guilty myself of it on occasion. However, everyone will be happier--especially in your romantic or family relationships--if you can take a step back and decide if this is a simple disagreement before reacting as if it is a big one.  Would you rather have a happy home life or know that you had the last word?   The rules of etiquette and your own mental health would give the same answer.

The Etiquette of Ghosting-- Should We Or Shouldn't We?

My husband recently read an article at slate.com on the value of ghosting. He showed it to me and asked me what I thought. I have to say I am torn.

Ghosting is the practice of simply fading away from a party without telling anyone. It means at the end of the night you pick up your things and quietly slip away without stopping to say goodbye.

This practice would never work at a small gathering. If there are less than about 8 or 10 people involved, your absence would be noticed and the conversation would soon turn to how rude it was to abandon them.  It also could be a safety issue if you are heading out into the dark alone. People should know you have left so they know you are safe.

However, at a large party the goodnight conversation has its own awkwardness.  You get your things together and you search the party for your host. You track them down in the middle of a conversation. First you patiently wait for a pause; trying not to awkwardly switch from foot to foot.Then you either find a natural pause and insert your "Excuse me" or you give up after several minutes of waiting and rudely interrupt.  Either way, you interrupt the conversation.  You then make your small talk to say goodbye before heading out.

The question is, is it more rude to interrupt them to say goodbye or to leave without saying goodbye?  What do you think? Feel free to post a comment.

Here is the link for the original slate.com article:

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/a_fine_whine/2013/07/ghosting_the_irish_goodbye_the_french_leave_stop_saying_goodbye_at_parties.html