Holiday Etiquette

It's almost time for Thanksgiving here in the states. A chance to catch up with family; to eat too much. Unfortunately it is also a huge opportunity for families to get on each others nerves. It is impossible to plan for or avoid every thing but here are some tips to minimize conflict.

Avoid controversial topics--do not bring up politics, religion, or whatever your family hot topic is. If it is how Uncle Damon drinks too much or how Aunt Sally dresses like a skank, then those topics are off limits for Thanksgiving.  If someone brings them up, try to graciously change the subject. If you can not do it subtly, then just ask someone to pass the potatoes.

If someone does bring up a sensitive topic or one that insults you personally, feel free to excuse yourself for  a few minutes.  Get up and walk to another room.  Take a few deep breaths and calm down.  When you get back just start talking about something else. Ask about some one's kids or their job.   I know it can be hard to swallow when you feel like someone is wheedling at you but it is only for a few hours. It is also the best thing for everyone in the room if you can just avoid the conflict.

Some one may have gotten divorced or separated in the past year. If so, be careful about inviting both of them. Yes, you have always had them before. This year you can't invite them both unless you are absolutely sure that they can handle being there without it devolving into a fight. Emotions run hot after a couple breaks up and not just the couple themselves. Other family members may feel betrayed by the break up of the couple.

Whether or not you have a seating plan is up to the hostess. Some people prefer to have them. Some prefer the sit any where approach. Some have them informally.  They can be a way to separate people you know are likely to fight by putting them at opposite ends of the table.

If you are going to some one's house, check with them in advance if you should bring something. Do not show up with anything that requires any kind of additional work such as heating it up or adding the garnishes, without first warning your host.

Here is hoping you have a wonderful conflict free Thanksgiving!