It is hard to know what to do when some one is hurting. You feel awkward and unsure. Some people do nothing rather than make the situation worse. It is a difficult situation to be in--from both sides.
If you hear that someone has died, do not ignore it. Waiting to find the right time or the right thing to say often leads to never doing anything. Push past your feelings of nervousness to help them with their grief or anger.
If you hear there is going to be a wake, think seriously about attending it. If one of the survivors is a friend, family member or close associate, go to the wake. If it is too far away to travel easily, send a card. There are many commercial cards sold that do a fine job of finding nice words. Don't let not knowing what to write stop you. Sending the store bought card is better than waiting to find the words and never sending anything.
Say "I am sorry for your loss." Be careful of using phrases like, "It's for the best." Most people when grieving don't want to hear that. It could make them angry or make them feel like you are belittling their grief. Some would say it is a cliche but I've never heard of any one being offended by it.
Feel free to send flowers. Do not bring them directly to the wake or funeral yourself. They won't even notice them in that situation. Have them shipped to the funeral home and the professionals will sort it out.
Check in with them in a few days and see how they are doing. Don't be discouraged if they aren't inclined to want to talk. Give them time and try to be there for them.
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