Handicap Parking

"I'll only be a minute."   

I was at a restaurant last year milling around outside waiting to be called for my table. There was a white van idling in the handicap spot. I'm sure he thought he was only going to be a minute. He was probably just waiting for someone to come out. 

An elderly couple drove up, saw the handicap space was filled and kept driving. They ended up parking down towards the end of the lot. I saw them slowly make their way up from the end of the parking lot. I was watching how slowly they were walking and mentally chastising the van driver. That is why I saw the old woman fall down.

She got hurt.

And the worst thing?   The driver in the white van was still idling in the handicap parking space the whole time.

You may think you are only going to be a minute but a minute is all it takes for someone to drive up and see the space is full. And admit it, that minute often stretches into several minutes. You may end up waiting in line or needing more time to pick out that movie from the red box.

Think twice before you pull into that handicapped space; be grateful you don't need it.

Funerals and Bereavement

It is hard to know what to do when some one is hurting. You feel awkward and unsure. Some people do nothing rather than make the situation worse. It is a difficult situation to be in--from both sides.

If you hear that someone has died, do not ignore it. Waiting to find the right time or the right thing to say often leads to never doing anything. Push past your feelings of nervousness to help them with their grief or anger.

If you hear there is going to be a wake, think seriously about attending it. If one of the survivors is a friend, family member or close associate, go to the wake. If it is too far away to travel easily, send a card.   There are many commercial cards sold that do a fine job of finding nice words. Don't let not knowing what to write stop you. Sending the store bought card is better than waiting to find the words and never sending anything.

Say "I am sorry for your loss."  Be careful of using phrases like, "It's for the best."   Most people when grieving don't want to hear that.  It could make them angry or make them feel like you are belittling their grief. Some would say it is a cliche but I've never heard of any one being offended by it.

Feel free to send flowers. Do not bring them directly to the wake or funeral yourself. They won't even notice them in that situation. Have them shipped to the funeral home and the professionals will sort it out.

Check in with them in a few days and see how they are doing. Don't be discouraged if they aren't inclined to want to talk. Give them time and try to be there for them.

Miss Manners Fan

I've always enjoyed reading Miss Manners. Mostly, I confess, that I enjoy shaking my head in shock at the poor behavior. The attempts to justify bad manners by saying "they started it!"  I think most of the etiquette situations there are pretty clear cut.   No you may not throw down your fork and storm out because they said something mean.  No you do not get to pack yourself a doggy bag when you eat at some one's house.

Etiquette is just a fancy way to say have good manners.  Good manners mean being gracious in ungracious circumstances. It means being above reproach even if you are mentally reproaching everyone else.  Be that gracious person that every one else thinks of as the one who always knows the right thing to do.   Fake it if necessary.  And if you mess up and do something ungracious, shake it off and start over. It is never too late to act the lady or gentleman.