Declining Is Not The Same As Being Rude

Some people think that saying no is rude. They think they have to accept every invitation; help with every event. That is just not true. Etiquette does not require you to give up all of your time and work yourself until you are sick just because someone asks you. It only says you need to be polite in your refusals.

If someone invites you to a party and you already have plans, you do not need to try to fit them both in. This usually just leads to a lot of running around and cutting visits short. It is perfectly fine to say, "We won't be able to make it. We already made plans."

If someone asks you to volunteer or make a donation, you can say, "I won't be able to help you with that but good luck." If you are the person doing the asking, you should accept it gracefully. No harassing people when you get an answer you do not like.

A few years ago there was a man in my town center who was trying to sign people up to be bone marrow donors. He was literally yelling at a perfectly polite declination.  Do you think the other people in the area were eager to sign up after he berated that person? I think they probably just tried to avoid him completely.  How did that help his cause?

Everyone has their own personal causes that speak to them. Maybe they already donate elsewhere or volunteer there. Do you think this man planned to help out with everyone else causes?  Even if the declination just came from selfishness, the correct response was politeness. Definitely a case where his rudeness did nothing to help his cause and may very well have harmed it.  He may have cost himself other donors because he was too busy yelling at that person. Plus it was just plain impolite.

Keep in mind as well that an invitation is offered on the hosts terms. That means if you are invited to dinner and you have plans elsewhere that mean you could make it but not until several hours later, you should decline. You should not send back that you will be there at 8. It could be a sit-down dinner and such a response puts your host in the awkward position of now feeling as though they have to serve dinner twice. Say simply that you will not be able to attend because the event starts at 6 and you won't be home until 8.  If the hosts wants, they can then extend an invitation to come at 8 or invite you on another day.

Basically, do not think saying no means you are being rude and in your quest not to be rude to the latest offer, do not be rude to the people with whom you already have plans. If you are moving people around or constantly cutting things short so you a fit everyone in, you are causing yourself unnecessary stress and probably causing hard feelings. Be polite and treat everyone as you would want to be treated regardless of which side of the invitation or request you are on.