Sunday, October 20, 2013

Never Ask About Kids or Marriage Plans

Anyone who is in a heterosexual relationship at some point in their lives will be asked two questions. When are you getting married and when are you having kids?

These questions are most often asked by people who have no business asking them.  Chances are if you are close enough to ask the question, you already have a good idea of the answer.

What people usually don't understand is that both of those questions are very sensitive ones. Maybe one of them wants to get married and the other does not.  Maybe one of them can not have kids. Maybe they have lost a child. People too often ask those questions meaning no harm but causing emotional pain anyways. Even if there is no emotional angst attached to the question, it is intrusive and violates their privacy. 

If you are close to the family, you could try feeling out a family member. If you are the family member, you could wait until you have them alone and ask them if they have considered having kids. If they are reluctant to speak, then drop it.

If you are a stranger or some one that does not know the couple well, never, ever ask either of those questions. If you see it happen to someone you know, feel free to step in and divert the subject. Or you can smile and say let's not rush them.

If you are the person being asked, feel free to put them off with a casual answer that tells them nothing. For instances, tell them you are enjoying being single and change the subject. It does not matter if it is not true. Etiquette allows you to tell fibs to save embarrassing people. You can say it is too soon to tell and change the subject. If it is someone you do not know well, just change the subject. Just because some one asks a question, does not mean you have to answer it.  This is true of any sensitive question.  If someone asks you about your weight or how much you make, smile (always smile) and ask, Why do you want to know?

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